Video Game Review

I've wanted to do some sort of video game review for a while, considering the recent popularity in games like Guitar Hero and Rock Band. So, I figured that they were close enough to music reviews to try. So, here's my video game review of the latest music game: Band Hero (And yes, this is a guitar hero game that just rips off Rock Band's title).

I'm going to assume that most people know how to play these things, but In case you don't, I'll some it up real quickly. If you're playing guitar (which is a plastic controller shaped like a guitar), than you push down on a certain button a long the neck, and strum in sequence. For people wondering, it will not teach you how to play guitar. If you're playing drums, you hit the pads and lone foot pedal to match up with those on screen (which actually did help in my routine drum practice. I'm not kidding, if you play this thing long enough, you might be able to keep a straight beat on a real kit). If you're singing, sing the song if you know it. And you can play them all together in a band. Well, that's gameplay in a nutshell.

For people who have played these games in the past, this is more of a spin off game to the recent Guitar Hero five. It has fewer songs, but most of it is the same. The song list is geared towards more of a Top 40 teenpop hits soundtrack than a collection of rocker's favorites. If you're a casual listener who just wants to hear your favorite pop song, than it's a pretty good list, but if you're a dedicated listener like me, you might want to stay away. The songs range from modern Top 40 hits like Fall Out Boy's "Sugar, We're Going Down" and Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me," to sort of a nostalgic guilty pleasure tone like Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" and Styx's "Mr. Roboto." It's certainly aimed at a wider audience and that's definitely the spirit of the game. It's designed to be very player friendly. Very few songs are hard, you can only fail if someone in your band is playing hard or expert, and you can actually just pick up and play the songs. Literally.

The best feature is that as soon as the game starts up, you can pick a difficulty, a song and just play. Other players can jump in and out on any instrument without screwing you up. You can literally have four people singing the same song if you enough microphones, which is a great thing to do at a party. It's very much a game to bring out at parties. Everyone will probably know the songs, it's easy, and it's easy to set up. The other standout feature, is that you can actually record your own songs. This is the one part on the game that just falls flat. It's much harder to write a good song in this game that it is on a real instrument, and even if you do manage to make something good, the audio quality isn't enough to make it listenable. It's pretty much a useless, time consuming feature.

Other than that, there a few bonuses like the ability to import songs from Guitar Hero five to the game. This WOULD be really cool, but there are two major problems with this. One is that you can only import like half the songs. The next is the real killer. You have to pay for it. Paying for songs you already own? Are video games taxing us now? The only other standout feature is that your band of avatars can be replaced with avatars of real life musicians like Taylor Swift and the singer of Maroon 5 (personally though, I don't care how hot Taylor Swift is, seeing her in the game disgusts me). Like the song imports this is a mixed blessing among features, because you can't really notice while you're looking at the note highway that you have to follow.

Basically, this is the more casual approach to the Guitar Hero formula. The songs are for a wider (and sadly musically ignorant) audience, and the gameplay is more user friendly. If your not a social person who brings people over, don't bother. But if you have friends that like to come over regularly, and they don't think about music as much as nerds like me do, than this is a very good purchase. And maybe after a few months, you could try a real instrument. Because people, I enjoy playing these but there's only so much you can do.

Top 21 Science Fiction Songs

In order to celebrate my birthday, I'm paying tribute to my past. Before I was an awesome music nerd, I was a dorky sci-fi nerd. Down to every last detail, I complained all about the continuity errors in Battlestar Galactia, I knew the names of all the knights of the Jedi council, and I even got into online debates about how much better Captain Picard was than Captain Kirk, (well he was!!!). Any way, in the spirit of the day, I'm counting my favorite Sci-Fi themed songs. There are 21 songs, a la 2001: A Space Odyssey. Nerds unite!

21. Rocket by Def Leppard

20. Supermassive Black Hole by Muse

19. Across the Universe by The Beatles

18. Space Trucking by Deep Purple

17. Riders on the Storm by The Doors

16. Walking on the Moon by The Police

15. Painkiller by Judas Priest

14. Learn to Fly by Foo Fighters

13. Astronomy by Blue Oyster Cult

12. Hangar 18 by Megadeth

11. Metropolis Pt. 1 by Dream Theater

10. Space Oddity by David Bowie

9. 2112 by Rush

8. Stargazer by Rainbow

7. Man On The Moon by R.E.M.

6. Ziggy Stardust by David Bowie

5. Paranoid Android by Radiohead

We haven't heard music like this since the likes of Pink Floyd. And that's a good thing.

4. Brain Damage/Eclipse by Pink Floyd

What an excellent closer the masterpiece Dark Side of the Moon. I really can't imagine listening to one song without the other. That's like seeing Han Solo without Chewbacca. It ain't right.

3. Starlight by Muse

Ahhh... What an epic song. This is what Coldplay would sound like if they were say sci-fi nerds. Just builds and builds, like Stairway to Heaven.

2. Rocket Man by Elton John

In my opinion, this is Elton John's only good song. And what a song. I can see why people like him if he could make a song like this. I normally dislike piano oriented rock, but this is really a piece of art. Remarkable. Especially when you compare it to the odious "Candle in the Wind" (which is sad, because after its affiliation with Princess Diana's death, so now I look like an asshole for hating it).

1. Life On Mars? by David Bowie

Yeah, I'm a huge David Bowie fan. And this is his masterpiece. The term genius should be used more lightly than it is. David Bowie is a rock n' roll genius. Not just in his brilliant songwriting, but in the incredible way he presented it as well, one of the greatest showmen of rock. Also one the few times where such a theatrical artist also has songs to match, whereas most of the time it's all style no substance (I'm looking at you Gaga, and I'm not typing your first name because you don't deserve such a formal title). Either way, Life On Mars is a mysterious song to compliment its mysterious question. The rest you just have to hear.

Michael Jackson vs. Prince

The age old rivalry will finally be put to the test. Who is the better artist: Michael Jackson or Prince. This will be graded on influence, originality, cultural impact, songwriting, and finally, the album off.

Here we go. Who will emerge on top? Michael Joseph Jackson or Prince Rogers Nelson.

Influence:

Like most of these categories, both of these artists have left huge influence on music. We don't really see any bands that sound quite like them. Michael Jackson's style seems to have more of a presence of modern pop bands, but you could say that Prince's sound was so extraordinary that no one could properly do it justice. I'm not gonna give Michael Jackson the point because his music is more accessible. His dancing has become wildly famous, were aiming for music. Overall, Prince can't really compare to the influence around R&B becoming one of the dominant genres. I guess that counts.

Jackson 1, Prince 0

Originality: Sort of a tough one. Everything about Jackson was original, from his songs to his dancing. Prince also ranks high in this contest, with an incredible fusion of rock, funk, soul, and synthpop. Michael Jackson's originality is somewhat tough to recognize with everyone trying to copy him. But it is still there. However, I think I have to go with Prince, because know has been able to get down what he did.

Jackson 1, Prince 1

Cultural Impact: No question. Thriller is still selling to this day, and people are still crazy about Michael Jackson even after his death.

Jackson 2, Prince 1

Songwriting: Michael Jackson had some really great singles under his belt back in the 80's. While they aren't as original as Prince's that doesn't mean they can't be better. Occasionally, Prince's work does get kind of too experimental to listen to when he tries to put out a really bad triple album with a goofy looking symbol on the front. But at least he was always trying. Michael Jackson always stuck around the same territory. While "Billie Jean" and "Beat It" are fantastic staples of pop music, I'm gonna go with the guy who writes all his own stuff, Prince.

Jackson 2, Prince 2

Here we go. The tie breaker. Here we put Thriller and Purple Rain against each other track by track.

Wanna Be Startin Somethin vs. Let's Go Crazy

Let's Go Crazy just kicks in into high gear in what is arguably, Prince's iconic song. And he knew it was good because it was in the Purple Rain trailer (you know cause the album's actually a soundtrack for the movie). Wanna Be Startin Somethin is easily one of Michael Jackson's most underrated cuts, but it can't compare to the power of Prince's opening.

Jackson 2, Prince 3

Baby Be Mine vs. Take Me With U

Even though I don't this to be too lopsided, this is an easy give to Prince again. Baby Be Mine is one of Jackson's filler cuts in my opinion.

Jackson 2, Prince 4

The Girl Is Mine vs. The Beautiful Ones

Things are starting to turn in Jackson's favor. The Beautiful Ones leaks a bit too much into acid synth territory to be honest. Plus, The Girl Is Mine has got Paul McCartney, that's a plus.

Jackson 3, Prince 4

Thriller vs. Computer Blue

Another track that I always found kind of odd. Computer Blue is the only song on the record that I flat out dislike. Thriller doesn't even need the video to be considered one of Jackson's finest songs (which he didn't write).

Jackson 4, Prince 4

Beat It vs. Darling Nikki

Damn. This is tough. Two very, very, very good cuts off of both albums. Both are radio staples, and both have great rock input. I think I'll hand this to Beat It, due it's Eddie Van Halen solo.

Jackson 5, Prince 4

Billie Jean vs. When Doves Cry.

Damn. Damn. Damn. Both artists iconic songs going head to head. But, in this case, I'll give this one to the most iconic single of all time. That's tough to beat.

Jackson 6, Prince 4

Human Nature vs. I Would Die 4 U

Most of side two of Thriller is more of a package for the hits, as with most pop albums. I Would Die 4 U is kind of stretched in its length, but it can beat a track this weak.

Jackson 6, Prince 5

P.Y.T. vs. Baby I'm A Star

P.Y.T. is one of side two's better cuts, but it is hard to argue with an anthem like this. Behind Cry, Crazy, and Rain this is Purple Rain's best cut. PYT is ranked fifth in Thriller's.

Jackson 6, Prince 6

The Lady In My Life vs. Purple Rain

A roaring anthem/ballad that sums up the whole album vs. the most forgettable track. Easy pick.

Final: Jackson 6, Prince 7

The better artist is Prince (and the Revolution). He's the more creative, the more daring, the more diverse, and he writes his own material. I'm surprised and pleased. I honestly expected Michael Jackson to win in a landslide, and after all, I'm a much bigger Prince fan than Michael Jackson. To the millions of Michael Jackson fans, hey he's still awesome. To the millions of Prince fans like me, the day is ours. Now, go and Kiss in your Little Red Corvettes out in the Purple Rain. Just, no symbols that nobody can pronounce.

A Tribute to the Fallen

In the eternal fight for good music, there have been many casualties. This is a tribute for those who fought and died for good music. The rules for induction into the good music memorial:

1. They must have died at some point past the 70's. Otherwise there would be too many to count.

2. They must have died before they were at least fifty five. George Harrison will never be forgotten, but his death does not fall into those who died on the battlefield.

3. They must have died while having a career. If a band breaks up and the singer dies, it's not being killed in action.

Here we go (In no order)

Robert Johnson (1911-1938)

Famous Blues guitarist

Cause of Death: Pneumonia

Story: The legend of his death is that he sold his soul to the devil in exchange for his guitar playing skills, as told in the song "Crossroads."

Jimi Hendrix (1942-1970)

Famous Rock guitarist

Cause of Death: Choked on vomit induced by LSD overdose

Story: Hendrix was on infamous drug addict, and was well known for his onstage antics brought on by drugs.

Kurt Cobain (1967-1994)

Nirvana Frontman

Cause of Death: Suicide

Story: After the pressures from his record company and from his new family. He wanted to keep his music from being commercialized, so he shot himself through the head.

Otis Redding (1941-1967)

Famous Soul Singer

Cause of Death: Airplane Crash

Story: Often called the King of soul, Redding's plane crashed into a lake only a few months before his magnum opus "Sittin on the Dock of the Bay" was released.

John Bonham (1948-1980)

Led Zeppelin Drummer

Cause of Death: Vomit Suffocation brought on by Alcohol Poisoning

Story: Revered as the greatest rock groove drummer of all time, his alcoholism led to waterlogging in his lungs due to failure to expel vomit. After his death Led Zeppelin permanently disbanded, stating that there was no Zeppelin without Bonham.

Joe Strummer (1952-2002)

The Clash Frontman

Cause of Death: Heart Attack

Story: The godfather of punk, Joe Strummer's heart attack came completely out of nowhere, and was considered to be a low point in the history of punk rock. Tragically, only months after his death, Avril Lavigne ruined punk rock.

Jim Morrison (1943-1971)

Doors Singer

Cause of Death: Heart Attack

Story: Known as "The Lizard King", Morrison was considered to be one of the most theatrical frontmen. His grave site in Paris is one of the most visited sites in the city.

Marvin Gaye (1939-1984)

Soul & Mowtown Singer

Cause of Death: Murder

After health problems had sent him into depression, Gaye isolated himself in his parent's house. Attempting to break up on an argument with between his parents, his father began fighting with him and eventually shot him.

"Dimebag" Darrell Abbott (1966-2004)

Pantera Guitarist

Cause of Death: Murder

Story: A revolutionary metal guitarist, Dimebag was shot on stage during a concert, with his brothers band Damage Plan, by a crazy fan.

Ian Curtis (1956-1980)

Joy Division Frontman

Cause of Death: Suicide

Story: And you thought Kurt Cobain was depressed. Ian Curtis suffered from onstage epilepsy, massive health problems, uncaring parents, and a struggling marriage. On top of everything, months after he hanged himself in his parent's house, Joy Division's Closer reached #6 on the UK charts. On his tombstone reads "Ian Curtis 18-5-80 Love Will Tear Us Apart."

Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan (1981-2009)

Avenged Sevenfold Drummer

Story: A modern master of double bass, while having success in mainstream rock, The Rev died shorly before the new decade. As of now I don't know how.

Good Songs by Bad Bands

This is the opposite of the bad songs by good bands. These are the flat out terrible artists that actually produced one or two good songs. I was only able to find five songs though, so if you've got more, please comment so can add them if I agree.

Here I Go Again by Whitesnake

In the world of hair metal, Whitesnake is really down there with the worst. Copying Led Zeppelin countless times with the incredibly bad vocals of David Coverdale, led to a band that flat out sucked. On the other hand, Here I Go Again is pretty damn hard to shake. It's got a slow build up along with a chorus that everyone likes to sing along to (sort of like Sister Christian by Night Ranger, I'll add that song too). Look for the single to this one, sitting through the whole album ain't worth it.

In The Air Tonight by Phil Collins

Long before the abysmal world of pretentious yet stupid 80's soft rock, Phil Collins put out a piece of progressive 80's rock, which turned out to be pretty damn good. Probably the best song on the list, it led to the best electronic drum breakdown ever, is filled with the darkest and most haunting 80's pop ever. The legend around the song is that Phil Collins wrote it after watching a man watch another man down. He claims it was about his failing marriage, but considering he divorced his wife by fax and married a 27 year old, I think that the legend is true. Which means that he let that guy drown as well. MURDERER!!!

Detroit Rock City by KISS

I think just about everyone who isn't a middle aged suburban male knows that this bands sucks. They only had success through their gimmick, and their annoying, repetitive songs. But, this one kicks ass! Great groove, great guitar work, and a chorus that everyone loves to sing along to, Detroit Rock City is a great fun rock anthem. Despite the fact that it's about a guy who dies in a car crash.

New Perspective by Panic at the Disco

EMO ALERT!!! Panic at the Disco have cursed those who hate emo to eternal hell. They're pretentious, annoying, and their songs are all ten words long. It's like if someone asked if Fall Out Boy could get any worse and they dared to try. But, straight out of the Jennifer's Body soundtrack, this song is the exact opposite. Its lyrics are simple, it's catchy without having all kinds of accordions and harmonicas everywhere, it's also very upbeat, as apposed to emo. This is probably because this song came out after chief songwriter Ryan Ross left the group, leaving the other two members to make their own group. Who knows, maybe Panic at the Disco could actually become good (Oh my God)?

Flirting with Disaster by Molly Hatchet

Lynyrd Skynyrd wannabes always suck, but one song manages to be just fantastic. Great rhythm, and the lyrics make you feel like you are living your own cool version of a Dukes of Hazard episode. A southern rock classic managed to come out of such a bad band.

Top 5 Nobodies

This is a tribute to those who do nothing and somehow are remembered for it. Real and fictional people who do absolutely nothing and leave a huge impression. Here's to you!

5. Johnny Sasaki

Not a lot of people know exactly who this guy is, but if you’ve ever played any game in the Metal Gear Solid series, you know whom he is. His name is more well known online than in the games, but to refresh your memory, you know that one guard who was constantly running to take a dump instead of shoot you, that’s him. He recently got a big role in the fourth game, but even before that he was an internet celebrity, as the guy who craps.

4. Meg White

The ultimate minimalist drummer, Meg White is very well known as the drummer (and only member aside from Jack White) of the White Stripes. In practically every song, she repeatedly hits the snare on every quarter note, probably the simplest drumming style aside from doing nothing. Even though her drum work is fantastic with Jack White’s music, she does very little and somehow has a reputation above Jack White, even though he writes the songs.

3. Syd Barrett

The name memorized by every hardcore Pink Floyd fan, Syd Barrett lead the group back in the late 60’s, during those embarrassing psychedelic rock years. He left the group after two albums after his mental state had decline to the point of breakdown, yet somehow had a reputation that far exceeded the other members. Perhaps it’s because of his tragic life story, or the numerous songs by the Floyd dedicated to him (Wish You Were Here). But still, he lead Pink Floyd back when they did stupid hippie music, and never appeared on any of their big hit records. The really incredible thing is that fans actually mourned his death more than the later death of keyboardist Richard Wright, who appeared on every album up to The Wall. How did that happen?

2. The “My Leg” Guy

You need to be younger to remember this guy. Anyone who ever watched Spongebob Squarepants instantly recognizes him. Whenever Spongbob causes destruction, you will hear the citizens of Bikini Bottom screaming and sure enough the standard cry of “My Leg!” will ring out amongst them. He has not been shown on screen once in the series, nor has Spongebob ever received a lawsuit from a one-legged fish. Perhaps we will never know who exactly this guy is, but we certainly know that his medical bills must be high.

1. Boba Fett

The ultimate example of someone who does nothing and becomes famous for it. Boba Fett needs no explanation. He has appears for roughly for 6 minutes in Empire Strikes Back, and 3 in Return of the Jedi. He has one line, we never see his face, and he never has any major action scene. Yet, he was voted the 9^th most popular Star Wars (Original) character online, higher than both Obi-Wan, and Yoda. Jar Jar Binks did more stuff than he did (sadly), and yet he has an incredible fan base. And then they fucked it up by giving him a back story in Attack of the Clones. Well, according to my reality (of the movie that is), that never happened.

Top 8 Rock Operas

The following ranks the entire albums that tell complete stories. The albums are ranked by their ability to tell their story through song, and how good the story itself is.

8. Berlin by Lou Reed

Story: Two people desperately try to keep their doomed marriage alive, eventually crumbling.

So dark it makes Kurt Cobain look like that jittery guy who's always setting up Christmas decorations way too early. Berlin is an album that lets itself out and isn't afraid to go into deep territory.

7. Purple Rain by Prince & The Revolution

An rising rock star balances his relationship with his girlfriend, trying not to repeat the mistakes of his father. 80's cheese never sounded so excellent. Just as overblown as Meat Loaf, but never to the degree that it seems fake, overblown, or lame. Technically a soundtrack, it features all original tunes by The Artist formerly known as and The Revolution.

6. Metropolis Pt. 2: Scenes from a Memory by Dream Theater

Story: A troubled man uses hypnosis to look back into his pervious life, and solve his last life's murder.

Long, long epics all put together with Pink Floyd style engineering. Metropolis Pt.2 isn't as much of an album as it is a surreal experience.

5. Arthur (Or The Decline & Fall of The British Empire) by The Kinks

Story: An immigrant, looks back on his life in Britain only to find it is nothing like it was in his childhood.

Ray Davies seemed like the days of You Really Got Me had passed by the time he came up with this bad boy. Theatrical, catchy, intelligent, and of course well written, Arthur is an experience like Metropolis.

4. The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars

Story: The manifestation of rock n' roll is created to save the earth in its final days, only to tear himself down through a life of excess.

While most of Glam Rock isn't being looked back on kindly, David Bowie's flat out genius keeps people from forgetting how good this album is. Martians, space oddities, and a song about the best city ever, is enough to make the nerdiest of sci-fi geeks look like Elvis.

3. The Wall by Pink Floyd

Story: A selfish rock star convinces himself that his life problems are caused by the people trying to help him. His depression turns to insanity, eventually sealing himself off from humanity, behind an imaginary wall.

Dark, gritty, and incredibly well sold. Roger Water's story of depression and insanity is arguably the last great Pink Floyd album. Even though the album is high on filler and songs that are just down right awful (The Trial), it has to be listened to entirely. Every song doesn't fade into the adjacent song for nothing does it?

2. The Lamb Lies Down On Broadway by Genesis

A young immigrant in New York is visited by his lost brother in his dreams. In an attempt to save his brother, he travels through New York City's underground to find fantastic creatures.

The last album before the infamous Phil Collins era, Lamb Lies Down is prog rock at its best point since Dark Side of the Moon. Inventive, original, and a tad goofy at points.

1. Quadrophenia by The Who

Story: A teenager slowly becoming an adult is determined to keep things the way they are. He runs away from his parents who insist he is schizophrenic. He is actually quadrophenic, meaing he has four different personalities. His experiences guide him as to which of the personalities will guide him to release from his problems.

80 minutes and not one minute that could be changed. If it was, this would cease to be an ultimately perfect album. Brilliantly told story, incredible song writing, and some of the greatest singles ever, makes this the best Who album, from Roger Daltrey's wails to Keith Moon's heavy accent.

List Break - Queen's Choir

This is a quick thing I've always wondered about. Everyone here likes Queen right? Yeah, well after listening to We Are The Champions for like the millionth time, I noticed something. They have a really overproduced-Meat Loaf like sound to them, we all know that, but there's something I can't get around. What's with that opera that seems to be on every album. You can really hear it in the opera section of Bohemian Rhapsody. How do they do that? I know it's a bunch of over laid vocal parts but how do they do that. And how do they do it live then? Just thinking about that.

Top 45 Worst Songs Ever

45. Thong Song by Sisqo

Title says it all.

44. Convoy by C.W. McCall

Rednecks unite! We'll annoy them illegal immigrants out!

43. I'll Be There For You by The Remembrandts (Friends theme song)

As if Friends wasn't annoying enough.

42. We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel

Everything you need to know about the century, in one easy to avoid package.

41. Rico Suave by Gerardo

Just listen to the chorus and tell me I'm wrong.

40. The Trial by Pink Floyd

Pretentious use of circus music, creating the most annoying vocals ever. Let's just be happy that someone wrote this song for Pink Floyd, because they could never produce anything this bad.

39. You've Got It (The Right Stuff) by New Kids On The Block

Combining boy band dance songs and boy band ballads. Disgusting!

38. Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex

Like I said, name says it all.

37. Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani*

Courtney Love, in a 1997 interview, famously called Gwen Stefani a "cheerleader.

36. You're The Inspiration by Chicago

To quote Blender "The Cubs aren't the biggest losers in Chicago anymore"

35. The Heart of Rock n' Roll by Huey Lewis & The News

When asked my father who Huey Lewis was, he said he was "the ultimate white boy."

34. Two Princes by The Spin Doctors

Best thing about this song: It taught kids to share when it appeared on Sesame Street.

33. Jack & Diane by John Cougar

Rednecks reunite!

32. Dancing On The Ceiling by Lionel Richie

No one under the blood went to his head.

31. American Life by Madonna

Yes, we need the Material Girl to teach us about war.

30. Kokomo by The Beach Boys

Yes, we need the first art rockers to endorse the travel industry.

29. How Will I Know by Whitney Houston

I need a bodyguard from this song.

28. Can I Touch You There by Michael Bolton

Balladeers go sex songs. As bad as it sounds.

27. With Arms Wide Open by Creed

Creed says religion has no impact on their music. Who else has arms wide open?

26. The Only Thing That Looks Good On You Is Me by Bryan Adams

Like I said. Stay above the belt, your less painful that way.

25. Baby, I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton

World, meet the talkbox: Music's stupidest invention

24. Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung

They actually tried to make "Wang Chung" a verb?

23. Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy

So bad it's funny. Like Eddie Murphy himself.

22. U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer

Weezer made geek rock awesome. MC Hammer proved that geeks can't rap though.

21. I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd

ABOVE THE FUCKIN BELT!!!

20. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion

When "Titanic" started playing this, I wished I was Leonardo Dicaprio; Drowning in freezing water.

19. She Bangs by Ricky Martin

STAY ABOVE THE BELT!!! I think...

18. Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart

As useless as the subject.

17. Ebony & Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder

How did two of the century's greatest musical geniuses come up with such a bad song?

16. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith

Whoever says that rap isn't rap without cursing was right.

15. I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

Duh.

14. Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue by Toby Keith

Too many rednecks to count!

13. What's Up by 4 Non Blondes

Family friendly grunge. Self explanatory.

12. Rollin' by Limp Bizkit

Is that dying warthog actually Fred Durst?

11. Mickey by Toni Basil

I hate cheerleaders!

10. Heartbeat by Don Johnson

Double Duh.

9. Wannabe by The Spice Girls

And you thought boy bands were bad...

8. Macerena by Los Del Rio

They forced me to dance to this back at the community center. DAMN!!!

7. Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice

Dad you were wrong. This is the ultimate white boy.

6. Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men

Stupidity out the wazoo!

5. Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus

And you thought his daughter was bad...

4. We Built This City by Starship

Oh god, not even Rock of Ages could make this sound good.

3. I Want My Baby Back by Jimmy Cross

The first song that was literally a commercial.

2. Barbie Girl by Aqua

The song so bad, even the distributor sued.

1. We Are The World by USA For Africa

It had all your favorite singers, it helped raise money for starving African children, it was co-written by Michael Jackson. And then they went and fucked it up. Honestly, that was the only reason I bought this song, because it would help starving Africans. Never listened to it after that. Just before I completed this list I went through all the material I owned and never listened to. And this came up. I don't blame Springsteen, Buckingham, Wonder, Jackson, Lauper, etc.. They did this for charity. But please, just cover a song and sell that. Don't create the most self indulgent, cheesy, stupid, sappy, horrible, annoying, abysmal, unforgivable noise ever created. I would rather listen to the future recording of myself choking to death on my own vomit than this. I'm sorry.

Songs Hated By The Artist Who Wrote Them

The out of order songs all have something in common, the artist who wrote them hates them. Prepare to learn that the songs you love are hated by their creators. Songs with an * next to them mean that song isn't hated by the artist, but there is something they dislike about it.

Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders

Even though she still plays it live, Chrissie Hynde still regrets writing this song. She thought the lyrics were idiotic, and they used too many local Detroit slang for anyone to understand. She told the producer that he could release it over her dead body, then it went #1.

Living on a Prayer by Bon Jovi

Finally Jon Bon Jovi agrees with me on something. Jon thought this soon to be mega hit was not good enough to be on the album and predicted an existence for it as a B-Side. After constant hocking from Ritchie Sambora, he finally decided to put it on the record. A la Brass In Pocket, it went #1.

The Four Horseman by Metallica

You may be shouting "That's bullshit, I'm a Metallica freak and James, Lars, Kirk, Cliff, Jason, and Robert all said they thought the song was great." If you are saying that, than you clearly don't know who was the original guitarist of Metallica. It was long time Metallica hater, Megadeth frotman Dave Mustaine, who wrote the song The Four Horseman, originally called The Mechanix. After getting fired, Kirk made a couple adjustments, including a slower tempo and a long solo in the middle. Dave was enraged and put the original song on his band's debut album. As he later said "My feelings about Kirk? If he were drowning in a river, I'd save him. But I'd wait a minute."

Dream On by Aerosmith

When Rolling Stone declared this Aerosmith's best song, Joe Perry was ashamed. He wanted a better riff, and said that he thought it was far too repetitive. Also, it has no guitar solo. His feelings on it have died down over forty years of playing it live, but it still has to grow on him.

Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

Fleetwood Mac's ultimate breakup song wouldn't be complete without the person on the other side of breaking up. Lindsey Buckingham wrote it about the end of his relationship with Stevie Nicks, and Stevie didn't take that so well. She thought the song was cruel to her, especially the untrue "shacking up" line. She let Linsey put it on the record, but she wanted a song on her side that wasn't as gloomy. She wrote Dreams, who do think hated that song?

Fight For Your Right To Party by The Beastie Boys

The Beastie Boys played this song live for one year, and they've never played since. What does that tell ya? The is actually supposed to be a parody of party rally songs like "I Wanna Rock" but the irony is that many consider it to be the best song of that demographic. As a song, The Beastie Boys only put it on the album because they felt it would present it better. They feel the song is disloyal to their rap interests, and is more of a song from their punk days. Their grown to accept that the song is now an anthem, but they still dislike it musically.

Paranoid by Black Sabbath

Geezer Butler and Tony Iommi have stated every time the song comes up it wasn't something they were proud of. They needed one more track on the War Pigs album, so they wrote Paranoid in 10-minutes, and changed the album's title. They don't dislike the song anymore, but they still think that it's not the best in their discography.

Billie Jean* by Michael Jackson

Michael Jackson liked the song fine, but this song I decided to include just because this alomst never became a hit. Michael's producer Quincy Jones, hated the song, and told Michael time and time again people would hate him if he released it. Finally Billie Jean got on the album, but obstacles didn't end their. MTV refused the video, because they claimed black performers didn't fill the popular rock format (which is not incorrect if you look at rock history, but also down right racist). So after threatening to sue, the video finally got on air. The rest is pop music history.

Take My Breath Away by Berlin

Terri Nunn and John Crawford's arguments were really pushed over the edge. John felt that this Top Gun power ballad was betraying the bands punk/new wave roots, and was outraged they were required to play it after it became a hit. Terri's objection to this didn't help the band, and they ended up breaking up. As if the movie didn't cause enough problems.

Rainbow In The Dark by Dio

Ronnie James Dio is certainly a driven man, he slogged his way through three decades and five different bands to finally get to his own band. And he wasn't about to let this song make a fool out of him. After listening to his heavy metal song with a keyboard riff, he thought it sounded way too much like pop music, and the other band members needed to hold him down to stop him from destroying the tape with a razor blade. Fortunately, he enjoys the song now, and knows to stay away from razors.

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Every song off Foo Fighters debut album was written by Dave Grohl when he was with Nirvana. He didn't show them to Kurt Cobain because he was worried he'd hate them. Even after his album was nominated for a grammy, he still thought his songs were terrible, and when he finally summed up enough courage to show his band mates in Foo Fighters "Everlong" he was sure that everyone would hate it. Dave still has anxiety issues, but he's picked up that years of his fans chanting for the song means it's good after all.

Jump by Van Halen

David Lee Roth may look happy in the video, but he got to a lot of fights with Eddie over this one. David and Eddie had been fighting for a long time leading up to 1984, and David certainly was not a fan of Jump's keyboards infiltrating the band's hard rock sound. Like Berlin, David soon left the group to go solo. Van Halen continuted making music with Sammy Hagar (Shudder), and later Gary Cherone (Vomit). David Lee Roth eventually warmed up to the song he helped write, and even performed a blue grass version on his own. Wait, blue grass?

I Ran (So Far Away) by A Flock of Seagulls

This is typical one hit wonder problem. A Flock of Seagulls' only hit was played so many times, that Mike Score can't stand it anymore. He didn't think much of the song at first, but he is willing to play it for the fans. Mike is able to escape the song through his non music career of boat building, but he is still haunted by the song an old re-runs of I Love The 80's.

Don't Worry, Be Happy by Bobby McFerrin

It's a shame that this was Bobby's only hit because he's actually a very serious musician. Unlike Mike, he wrote the song as a joke, and was distressed when it became a hit. After a few years, he quit the song, and it hasn't been performed live in 19 years. Bobby, everyone may hate you for that one, but that's what your deep album cuts can prevent.

Wonderwall by Oasis

Liam Gallagher has been cruel to a lot of people (including his brother Noel who is probably even more of a douchebag than he is, and they guy from Blur who is also a douche), but he certainly had a reason with this song. Like Joe Perry with Dream On, Liam hates the fact that he has to perform the song live and that it's considered to be the group's best song. Noel Gallagher actually wrote the song in order to have a good bargaining position with Liam over whether or not he'd get to do vocals on one song. Liam regrets the fact that he has to sing Wonderwall, but is happy due to the fact that he doesn't have to sing Don't Look Back In Anger.

You've Got Another Thing Comin' by Judas Priest

Even though it was Judas Priest's biggest hit, Rob Halford and company thought the song sucked at first. Rob claimed that it wasn't heavy, didn't have energy, and was annoying. Eventually, the group is starting to enjoy it.

Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N' Roses

Slash came up with this brilliant riff as a joke and Axl turned it into a song. Slash was continuously tortured by the song for years, and made no secret of his hatred for it. However, back '08, he performed the song live with Velvet Revolver, and said he is getting used to it.

(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction by The Rolling Stones

One night, Keith Richards woke up drunk, came up with the greatest guitar riff ever, and went back to bed. The next morning, the band asked if they could use it a song about 100 times before he finally said yes. It's odd that what is arguably the greatest rock song of all time is hated by it's own writer, but Keith Richards can't stand this song even after 50 years of playing it.

Top 30 Greatest Guitar Solos

30. Working Man (Alex Lifeson of Rush)

29. Rock You Like A Hurricane (Matthias Jabs of Scorpions)

28. Crazy Train (Randy Rhoads of Ozzy Osbourne)

27. Alive (Mike McCready of Pearl Jam)

26. Killer Queen (Brian May of Queen)

25. Fade to Black (Kirk Hammett of Metallica)

24. Hotel California (Joe Walsh of The Eagles)

23. Bohemian Rhapsody (Brian May of Queen)

22. Mean Street (Edward Van Halen of Van Halen)

21. Oye Como Va (Carlos Santana of Santana)

20. Mr. Crowley (Randy Rhoads of Ozzy Osbourne)

19. Layla (Duane Allman of Derek & The Dominoes)

18. While My Guitar Gently Weeps (Eric Clapton for The Beatles)

17. Time (David Gilmour of Pink Floyd)

16. War Pigs (Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath)

15. Since I've Been Loving You (Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin)

14. Whole Lotta Rosie (Angus Young of AC/DC)

13. Highway Star (Ritchie Blackmore of Deep Purple)

12. Voodoo Child (Slight Return) (Jimi Hendrix)

11. Painkiller (Glenn Tipton of Judas Priest)

10. Blue Sky (Duane Allman & Dickey Betts of The Allman Brothers)

9. Texas Flood (Stevie Ray Vaughan)

8. November Rain (Slash of Guns N' Roses)

7. Powerslave (Dave Murray & Adrian Smith of Iron Maiden)

6. Eruption (Edward Van Halen)

5. Sweet Child O' Mine (Slash of Guns N' Roses)

4. Free Bird (Allen Collins of Lynyrd Skynyrd)

3. All Along the Watchtower (Jimi Hendrix)

2. Stairway to Heaven (Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin)

1. Comfortably Numb (David Gilmour of Pink Floyd)

List Break - Defense

It seems that some people are having problems with my rather harsh opinions. When my facebook friends told me about my blog they stated that I was singleminded and overly opinionated. I certainly am opinionated, I think that can be a good quality for a critic. Let's look at Roger Ebert, probably the most well-known movie critic in the country. Like me, he looks at things through critical analysis, he doesn't just say movies suck or are great without telling us why. But it is his opinions that drive the analysis, it's what he believes makes a good movie. He is never swayed by what other people say, he has given negative reviews to some my favorite movies (Edward Scissorhands is one example).

Critics who aren't opinionated are far worse than those who are overly opinionated. Rolling Stone magazine has been around since the 70's and have reviewed many classic albums before they became classic. They have such weak opinions, that they actually go back and try to correct themselves. Led Zeppelin, The Doors, Black Sabbath, and Nirvana all received scathing reviews from Rolling Stone back in the day. But when everyone else started talking about how great they were, they went back and said that they fucked up. Wimpy little bastards.

As for my singleminded nature, I will admit I give rock music a bit more credit than I do other genres, but do you not think I have a reason? Here's one thing that a twelve year old I know came up with. The reason why rock music is so much better than pop music, is because it leaves a lasting impression. It's true. People today still talk about musicians who are fifty years old, like The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Yardbirds, The Jimi Hendrix Experience, and Joni Mitchell just to name a few. How many pop acts from fifty years ago can you think of? Unless your fifty years old, or someone who must posses all knowledge of the 60's, I'm guessing you couldn't think of a lot. In fifty years, do you really think that Taylor Swift or T-Pain will be timeless classic artists?

My last argument is a systematic breakdown. All my friends hate when I call Taylor Swift, T-Pain, Akon, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Soulja Boy, Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears, Kelly Clarkson, Avril Lavigne, Carrie Underwood, Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, The Jonas Brothers, and the person who is such a bad musician, typing her name is too disgusting for me to do (She made the song Poker Face). These are some of the worst musicians who have ever lived. And I can explain why. There are three levels of disliking music: lack of appeal, lack of talent, and lack of integrity. The first is lack of appeal. I've honestly tried as hard as I can, but I do not like Bruce Springsteen or Elton John, two highly regarded musicians. I can say however, that they are good musicians, they just lack anything appealing to me. This is my opinion and I know that they are not bad, but I can't get used to them.

The next level is lack of talent. Let's look at REO Speedwagon. I do not like REO Speedwagon at all, and unlike Bruce and Elton, I think that Kevin Cronin and his band are just bad. They write uncreative and annoying 80's pop/rock that is dull and derivative. However, REO Speedwagon do posses something that keeps them from being like Britney Spears: They have integrity. Before becoming superstars in the 80's, REO had released 10 albums over an entire decade with no success. They finally became huge with 1980's Hi Infidelity, but they in that lousy album, they created something that they wanted to do, and felt inside. They had a vision and made it, while be it poor. They are serious artists, however untalented.

There is one low that only the despicable can hit: lack of integrity. Miley Cyrus, who is a successful performer, lacks Bruce's and Elton's talent, and REO's integrity. She merely produces safe, forgettable, pop music that sells. Disney decided they wanted more money, so they got this teenage girl to start singing pop songs, so that she could make them richer, not because she had a vision of art. It is not art, it is merely white noise, that will fill a space so that people who do not appreciate music can buy it for 99 cents and play it when they need to break silence. It doesn't dare to be different, or inventive, it only exists so that it can sell to a specific audience. Look at Taylor Swift's lyrics: They are all designed to please the majority audience.

If anyone is still thinking that I can't prove this, let's take my music is art statement one step further. Picasso was a great painter. He was a passionate, and soulful man, who made odd, abstract paintings to express himself. Let's compare that to another painting: A two-dimensional drawing of a house by 5 year old. He made it because his teacher told him too, and his parents may post it up because it looks it cute. Let's say that Picasso is Kurt Cobain, and they 5 year old is Britney Spears. Kurt was a passionate man, who expressed his inner demons and doubt through his music. Britney Spears just made music in order to satisfy demands (from her customers and record company). She doesn't make art that comes from her own thoughts, then she would've written the songs herself. There can be good pop musicians: Michael Jackson and Duran Duran, because they tried to make something good and memorable, they made art. Britney just made safe music like a two-dimensional drawing of a house: It is pleasing to the eyes (ears), but has hardly any effort, nor is it anything she can call art.

Well, my friends, this is why I am so singleminded: There are so few pieces of true art in the world, and there are many who will try to usurp the place of artists so that they can make money. Anyone can spurt out sounds, but only true dedication and feeling can be good.

List Break - Free File Sharing

I've wanted to tackle this one for a long time. The biggest controversy in music, is it safe, is it even ethical, to share music on line so that other people can get it for free. On the surface, it seems like a pretty simple argument: If people just get music for free, then they won't pay for the artists work, and they are stealing. Well, it's far deeper than that. And after searching through that I've finally found the answer: File Sharing for Free Is Great.

All the PSA's and record companies say the same thing: You have to pay for the artists work r it's stealing, that's why file sharing should be illegal. They makes sense on the surface, until you realize something. Let's clean the slate of what we think we know about file sharing, it's all false. The reason that CD sales are going down is a far more obvious problem, iTunes. When you can by one single for 0.99, why by a CD? The drop in CD sales is because of iTunes. File Sharing has actually been proven to aid the artist and improve sales. For instance, many people, including nearly everyone I know, do not use programs like Limewire lightly. Many use file sharing as an opportunity to sample the music for whole without spending money on something you might hate. The music quality is low, and it's tough to find everything you want. So people usually go and buy the CD. And it shows. Radiohead were about to release Kid A, when the album was leaked online 3 months in advance. Upon it's release, Kid A topped the charts in 6 countries including the US, a feat never achieved by the band. Radiohead are now strong supporters of file sharing, along with artists like The Offspring, Pink Floyd, and The Ben Folds Five. All those artists like Prince and Metallica say that there albums failed because of file sharing, how do they know that? They're just guessing.

The final argument for file sharing is an easy one. For people new to music, back before iTunes when records where released on vinyl, singles were released as well. A single was song off a recently released album that the producer chose to promote it. They were released on a smaller format, and they were much cheaper. People could effectively sample the songs off the album and then decide to buy the whole album. People use is in the same way today. In effect, this is the record companies' fault because once CD's came around, they made the ultimate bone headed move. They stopped releasing singles because cost the same to put a whole album on a CD. If people only had enough money to buy their favorite single on the radio, they figured "They're online for free." Besides, in modern record deals, and relatonships, record distributers are entitled to an unfair amount of money when it comes to how much the artist is paid. So even if the record fails because of file sharing, the band can still become popular through the songs leaked, and get money for live shows, and other perks. When you "steal" from the artist, you're only stealing from the record company.

Remember, my friends, music is art. And like all art, it gets to people through odd ways.

Top 45 Songs of the 70's

45. Sugar Magnolia by The Grateful Dead

44. Don't Stop Til You Get Enough by Michael Jackson

43. La Grange by ZZ Top

42. The Joker by Steve Miller Band

41. Jet by Wings

40. Psycho Killer by Talking Heads

39. Black Magic Woman by Santana

38. (Don't Fear) The Reaper by Blue Oyster Cult

37. Heart of Gold by Neil Young

36. One Way Out by The Allman Brothers Band

35. Search and Destroy by The Stooges

34. Heart of Glass by Blondie

33. Message In A Bottle by The Police

32. American Girl by Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers

31. Pump It Up by Elvis Costello & The Attractions

30. Highway to Hell by AC/DC

29. Anarchy In The U.K. by The Sex Pistols

28. Runnin' with the Devil by Van Halen

27. I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones

26. (White Man) In Hammersmith Palais by The Clash

25. Let It Be by The Beatles

24. Tangled Up In Blue by Bob Dylan

23. Dream On by Aerosmith

22. Rocket Man by Elton John

21. Let's Stay Together by Al Green

20. Born To Run by Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band

19. Brown Sugar by The Rolling Stones

18. Smoke on the Water by Deep Purple

17. Stayin' Alive by The Bee Gees

16. Roundabout by Yes

15. War Pigs by Black Sabbath

14. Papa Was A Rolling Stone by The Temptations

13. Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd

12. Life On Mars by David Bowie

11. What's Going On by Marvin Gaye

10. Hotel California by The Eagles

9. Another Brick In The Wall by Pink Floyd

8. Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac

7. No Woman, No Cry by Bob Marley & The Wailers

6. Bridge Over Troubled Water by Simon & Garfunkel

5. Layla by Derek & The Dominoes

4. Superstition by Stevie Wonder

3. Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen

2. Baba O'Riley by The Who

1. Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin

Bad Songs by Good Bands

I Don't Wana Miss A Thing (Aerosmith)

Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da (The Beatles)

Dammit (Blink 182)

One Way or Another (Blondie)

This Is England (The Clash)

Love Bites (Def Leppard)

Just Can't Get Enough (Depeche Mode)

Feel the Pain (Dinosaur Jr.)

You Not Me (Dream Theater)

Oh Daddy (Fleetwood Mac)

Touch of Grey (The Grateful Dead)

American Idiot (Green Day)

Turbo Lover (Judas Priest)

Thoughtless (Korn)

D'yer Maker (Led Zeppelin)

Sweet Home Alabama (Lynyrd Skynyrd)

Frantic (Metallica)

The Trial (Pink Floyd)

Mother (The Police)

I Want It All (Queen)

Shiny Happy People (R.E.M.)

The Trees (Rush)

Tarantula (The Smashing Pumpkins)

On The Strip (Sonic Youth)

Discotheque (U2)

Right Now (Van Halen)

Beverly Hills (Weezer)

Silly Love Songs (Wings)

Another Tricky Day (The Who)

Owner of a Lonely Heart (Yes)