Sunday, November 8, 2009

Top 45 Worst Songs Ever

45. Thong Song by Sisqo
Title says it all.

44. Convoy by C.W. McCall
Rednecks unite! We'll annoy them illegal immigrants out!

43. I'll Be There For You by The Remembrandts (Friends theme song)
As if Friends wasn't annoying enough.

42. We Didn't Start The Fire by Billy Joel
Everything you need to know about the century, in one easy to avoid package.

41. Rico Suave by Gerardo
Just listen to the chorus and tell me I'm wrong.

40. The Trial by Pink Floyd
Pretentious use of circus music, creating the most annoying vocals ever. Let's just be happy that someone wrote this song for Pink Floyd, because they could never produce anything this bad.

39. You've Got It (The Right Stuff) by New Kids On The Block
Combining boy band dance songs and boy band ballads. Disgusting!

38. Cotton Eyed Joe by Rednex
Like I said, name says it all.

37. Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani*
Courtney Love, in a 1997 interview, famously called Gwen Stefani a "cheerleader.

36. You're The Inspiration by Chicago
To quote Blender "The Cubs aren't the biggest losers in Chicago anymore"

35. The Heart of Rock n' Roll by Huey Lewis & The News
When asked my father who Huey Lewis was, he said he was "the ultimate white boy."

34. Two Princes by The Spin Doctors
Best thing about this song: It taught kids to share when it appeared on Sesame Street.

33. Jack & Diane by John Cougar
Rednecks reunite!

32. Dancing On The Ceiling by Lionel Richie
No one under the blood went to his head.

31. American Life by Madonna
Yes, we need the Material Girl to teach us about war.

30. Kokomo by The Beach Boys
Yes, we need the first art rockers to endorse the travel industry.

29. How Will I Know by Whitney Houston
I need a bodyguard from this song.

28. Can I Touch You There by Michael Bolton
Balladeers go sex songs. As bad as it sounds.

27. With Arms Wide Open by Creed
Creed says religion has no impact on their music. Who else has arms wide open?

26. The Only Thing That Looks Good On You Is Me by Bryan Adams
Like I said. Stay above the belt, your less painful that way.

25. Baby, I Love Your Way by Peter Frampton
World, meet the talkbox: Music's stupidest invention

24. Everybody Have Fun Tonight by Wang Chung
They actually tried to make "Wang Chung" a verb?

23. Party All The Time by Eddie Murphy
So bad it's funny. Like Eddie Murphy himself.

22. U Can't Touch This by MC Hammer
Weezer made geek rock awesome. MC Hammer proved that geeks can't rap though.

21. I Wanna Sex You Up by Color Me Badd
ABOVE THE FUCKIN BELT!!!

20. My Heart Will Go On by Celine Dion
When "Titanic" started playing this, I wished I was Leonardo Dicaprio; Drowning in freezing water.

19. She Bangs by Ricky Martin
STAY ABOVE THE BELT!!! I think...

18. Sunglasses at Night by Corey Hart
As useless as the subject.

17. Ebony & Ivory by Paul McCartney & Stevie Wonder
How did two of the century's greatest musical geniuses come up with such a bad song?

16. Gettin' Jiggy Wit It by Will Smith
Whoever says that rap isn't rap without cursing was right.

15. I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
Duh.

14. Courtesy of the Red, White, & Blue by Toby Keith
Too many rednecks to count!

13. What's Up by 4 Non Blondes
Family friendly grunge. Self explanatory.

12. Rollin' by Limp Bizkit
Is that dying warthog actually Fred Durst?

11. Mickey by Toni Basil
I hate cheerleaders!

10. Heartbeat by Don Johnson
Double Duh.

9. Wannabe by The Spice Girls
And you thought boy bands were bad...

8. Macerena by Los Del Rio
They forced me to dance to this back at the community center. DAMN!!!

7. Ice Ice Baby by Vanilla Ice
Dad you were wrong. This is the ultimate white boy.

6. Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men
Stupidity out the wazoo!

5. Achy Breaky Heart by Billy Ray Cyrus
And you thought his daughter was bad...

4. We Built This City by Starship
Oh god, not even Rock of Ages could make this sound good.

3. I Want My Baby Back by Jimmy Cross
The first song that was literally a commercial.

2. Barbie Girl by Aqua
The song so bad, even the distributor sued.

1. We Are The World by USA For Africa
It had all your favorite singers, it helped raise money for starving African children, it was co-written by Michael Jackson. And then they went and fucked it up. Honestly, that was the only reason I bought this song, because it would help starving Africans. Never listened to it after that. Just before I completed this list I went through all the material I owned and never listened to. And this came up. I don't blame Springsteen, Buckingham, Wonder, Jackson, Lauper, etc.. They did this for charity. But please, just cover a song and sell that. Don't create the most self indulgent, cheesy, stupid, sappy, horrible, annoying, abysmal, unforgivable noise ever created. I would rather listen to the future recording of myself choking to death on my own vomit than this. I'm sorry.

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